It's been over 2 years now since I last used this blog, but (as I will go into later), re-launching this blog is something that is on my list of New Year's Resolutions for 2021.
Despite 2020 being the weirdest year ever, with so much disappointment, as I was writing my last entry into my prayer journal on New Year's Eve, I realised that this was still a significant ear for me, and there was still so much to thank God for during the year 2020. He has been so faithful to me, and has still continued to be here with me on my journey of worship!
First of all, I finished my degree in Mathematics this year with a First Class Honours! It was such an achievement, and though I'm still waiting on that graduation, I was over the moon with my results as I honestly didn't think I had it in me. The weather was also gorgeous over the summer, and I had so much time to be able to relax every day, and to spend a lot of precious time with my family. I still managed to go on holiday too in the summer, including going abroad to meet up with my family over there, and also for our amazing beach holiday to St Ives every year.
Finally, I started working at St James in the City as Assistant Worship Pastor and Anglican Chaplaincy Assistant. Who could have predicted when I first joined St James as a student, and when I felt that calling from God to lead worship, that it would lead to this? I certainly wouldn't have imagined this would be what I was doing back when leading worship was something that absolutely terrified me and was often the source of many tears! But now, looking back, I can see that God aligned so many things in my life over the years to lead to this stage in my life, and doing something that I am so sure that God has called me to gives me such joy and fulfilment!
This leads me to look forward to the year 2021! There is still so much uncertainty across the world, and especially in my own life, but I know that I can be assured that God will lead me to where I am meant to be next, and I am excited for all of the hope that I can bring into the world by doing something that I feel called to.
I am always a big fan of the New Year's Resolutions, as it is a time to reflect on the past year, and make a list of the ways that I can improve in my life, and really try and live life to the full! (And also my making a clear list, I can easily track what I am aiming to do, and less things get forgotten that I want to achieve). I must admit though, I usually only make the sort of resolutions that are realistic and I am certain I can stay on track with, which often does involve not setting myself strict numbers with anything, just to "do this more" for example.
Now is the time for me to list all of my 2021 Resolutions, and hopefully I'll still be on here next year to look back through them. And since I'm also putting them on the internet, anyone who reads this can definitely hold me accountable at the end of the year, so here goes:
1. Make reflective journalling a priority: Since around 2017, I started journalling in so many aspects of my life including: prayer, dreams, discernment, my journey to leading worship, and songwriting. I've always had so many different journals on the go, but I feel like I became really out-of-habit throughout 2020 because so much less seemed to happen than usual, and I often felt like I was lacking creative inspiration in my life. However, this is now my main priority to re-focus on in 2021. Reflecting on these old journals after a year or so has also shown me how much God has been working in my life, and I often feel that He speaks to me so clearly in these moments, which is something that I have spoken about in the past to my mentor Zoë about. Therefore I feel that creating a lot of space for reflective writing where I can look back and see how God has been speaking to me will be so significant in my whole journey of God's calling in my life, and discerning what is next for me!
2. Restart this blog: This one will definitely be one that will be easily forgotten, but I've written it on here so that I will be much less likely to forget. Best of all, I got a new laptop for Christmas this year, so I will have no excuses for not writing anything over this year. Over the past few months, I've actually written the odd "paper blog post", which is basically where I write something in a notebook but in the style of writing that I use on here. I may upload these onto here if I get the change because I really like picking a theme of something that is currently on my hart, and writing about it in a creative way whilst being fully aware that God will be infiltrating His thoughts to me in this process. It is something that I enjoy so much, but often feel like it will be a lot of effort to try and relaunch this blog (tick!) or just worry about putting so much detail about my life on the internet. But then if anything I write does bless someone else, then it's all worth it for "eternal" purposes, isn't it?
3. Read the books that I have lined up for this year: I make some sort of reading resolution each year as I have way more books that I want to read than I have time for. However, I feel like I absolutely smashed this resolution in 2020 (HOORAY!) as I read 17 books (I think) across the whole year, as lockdown over the summer gave me so much time to read a whole 13 books that I'd been wanting to read for a while. I think that I have at least 9 books that I would like to read this year. I'm a much better reader in the summer when I can sit outside all day and read than in the gloomy winter, so I think I'll use my usual target of "one book per month" to kickstart my reading habit in January, and maybe I'll surpass my expectations and read 12 books in 2021!
4. Start (and hopefully finish) the HTB Bible In One Year app on my phone: I've had this app on my phone for a while now, but have never started it because it hasn't been the start of a new year. Today is my opportunity to start reading it, but as this is definitely something that I could easily forget about, I'm going to try and find a fixed time each day (potentially after I've had my lunch) and then set myself daily reminders on my phone until it becomes a habit.
5. Immerse myself into songwriting again: This is something that I should be tapping into often, given my Assistant Worship Pastor role, and part in the church creative team. However, I find it so difficult to get into the right mindset of creative songwriting as it is something that never comes naturally to me. The last time I was able to overcome this resistance, and "turn on the tap of creativity" as our Creative Director Matt would say, was in May 2019. But it was such an anointing experience, and there was something really special in creating something that was from God as a gift that will bless others! In looking at all things creative with this perspective, I feel like I can be more bold and get past my fears that creativity from "nothing" seems to bring and overwhelm me with!
6. Finish my sign language course: I started this course over lockdown and learned so much, but then I went on holiday and felt out-of-sync since then. I'm hoping to restart this course again, and hopefully fly through what I've already learned once so that I can move onto so much more! It's also something that more recently, God has put on my heart and I've really felt a strong calling to learn sign language. It began when I was watching Miracle On 34th Street, where Kris Kringle could sign fluently to a deaf girl, and it was so significant for me as I realised that it would be an amazing thing if we could all clearly communicate with the deaf community, especially since lip reading is impossible with the rise of face masks. Then later that week, I had a dream that we had a student come to St James who was deaf, and I fluently signed to her. It left a strong feeling that is still with me, and therefore I know that it is something from God; something that can really lead to positive change in the world!
7. Learn how to type properly: I've added this one for various reasons. Firstly because, as I just said before, I'm aiming to start using this blog again, so if I can type more efficiently, that will save me a lot of time. And also because now that I have this super-speedy new laptop, I'm more willing to use it more for creative tasks, so learning how to type with my whole hands, not just my two fingers, will be a very helpful skill. My brother has been learning and practising proper typing recently, so I'll be coming to him for advice with all things typing-related.
8. To be more confident: My final New Year's resolution! This has been a target and goal of mine every single year since I was around 11, so for the past decade! And also a big prayer of mine throughout the year too! When I was younger, it was always so disheartening that I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with my confidence, but I've made so much progress recently, and I know that I have so many opportunities in 2021 to grow my confidence more in various settings that I had to add this one again! I can see that my growing confidence has been a significant journey for me, and I am so thankful that God has faithfully been with me, and that even when I couldn't see it at the time, I was still growing and making progress!
So there we are, my 8 new resolutions for 2021. I'm excited to hopefully come back here at the end of 2021 and reflect on how much God has done over the past year, using whatever circumstances the year throws at us for all glory!
If you've made it this far through all of my ramblings - well done! And in the words of our Creative Director, there is so much to look forward to in the year "2021 - The Best Is Yet To Come!"
Lois
